Christmas can feel like it comes with an unspoken rule: Be happy. Be grateful. Be festive. When your mental health is wobbly, or life has been a lot lately, that pressure can make you feel even worse.

Creating a positive Christmas doesn’t mean forcing cheerfulness, or pretending everything is fine. It means choosing small doable moments of calm, meaning, and connection - even if things feel heavy.

Here are 10 gentle, realistic ways to make Christmas feel a little lighter.

10 Ways to Feel More Positive at Christmas Time, When Life Feels Heavy

1. Redefine What “A Good Christmas” Means For You This Year.

Try to avoid doing the following things:

• Listening to unrealistic expectations portrayed on social media and comparing yourself to them.

• Doing what your family expects if it's not healthy for you.

• Doing what you did five years ago when times have changed, you have changed, and your needs are different.

Ask yourself: What would feel supportive and kind this Christmas?

Your answer might be: “Less rushing,” “More rest,” “A quiet morning,” or “One lovely calm plan instead of ten exhausting ones.”

Making Christmas work for you doesn't mean you don't care about what those around you want. Those around you should be supportive of your needs, and you can be supportive of theirs. If everyone works together, you can make things work so that you all have a good day.

2. Choose One “Anchor” Habit a Day.

When your mood is low, structure can be soothing, but try not to over-complicate the routine with too many steps. Pick one small daily anchor, like:

• Having a warm drink in silence for 2 minutes

• Taking a short walk

• Take 5 deep breaths before bed

Anchors help your nervous system feel safe, which is the foundation for your body and mind to feel calm.

3. Lower the Pressure to 'Perform' Happiness.

You’re allowed to feel what you feel. Try swapping “I should be enjoying this” with “This is a sensitive time for me, it's okay to find it hard.”

You deserve self-compassion, and to be able to be authentically yourself. Those who love you will not want you to pretend. Also, putting on a 'front' is exhausting, so try to let the mask slip and allow yourself to just be.

4. Do a “Good Enough” Christmas list.

Write yourself two lists:

• Must-do (the true essentials)

• Nice-to-do (only if you have time/energy)

Then...give yourself permission to leave the 'nice-to-do' list unfinished! Positivity grows when we stop drowning ourselves in unrealistic expectations. Try to let go of the guilt at not finishing that list. If you struggle with this, try taking some deep breaths and tell yourself gently that you have done enough and repeat it to yourself three times.

5. Create Tiny Moments of Meaning.

Meaning doesn’t require matching pyjamas and a perfectly timed family photo. There doesn't need to be big dramatic moments. Sometimes the small things create the best memories. Try these things :

• Do a 1-minute gratitude round at dinner: everyone shares one “best bit” of the day (it can be as basic as “I didn’t have to do the laundry today!”).

• Write a tiny note for someone (a neighbour, teacher, relative) with one honest sentence like, “Thanks for being part of our year.”

• Take a “messy photo” on purpose - the silly one, the real one - because that’s usually the one you’ll love later.

• Do one small kind act as a family: donate a few food tins or drop a card through someone’s door. If you are short of money, a homemade card is great too. People appreciate those gestures even more.

6. Protect Your Energy With Boundaries That Feel Kind, Not Harsh.

Boundaries can be gentle and still firm:

• “We can’t make it this year, but we’d love a video call.”

• “We’re popping in for an hour, then heading home.”

• “I’m keeping Christmas Day quiet this year.”

It can be difficult to set boundaries at Christmas time. You may have several people demanding your time, and feel pulled in 10 different directions. It is ok to gently enforce those boundaries though. The first time is the hardest! Once you have set those boundaries one year, it will be easier the next year as people will already have those boundaries in their mind.

7. Plan Comfort Like You Plan Everything Else.

Comfort isn’t a luxury. It's necessary to sustain good emotional health. Add comfort into your day on purpose. This could be by wearing comfy clothes, making an easy meal or having an early night.

This isn't laziness. You’re regulating your nervous system, and that is essential when in the middle of the busy festive period.

8. Use a “Thought Check” When Your Mind Spirals.

Christmas can trigger unhelpful thoughts like: “I’m failing”, “Everyone else is coping”, or “I’m ruining it".
When that happens, try this quick reset:

Notice: “I’m having a spiralling thought.”

Name the feeling: “I am feeling stressed.”

Neutralise: Try telling yourself one of the following:

• “What would I say to a friend if they felt like this?”

• “Right now, I need support, not pressure.”

• “I can feel like this and still be a good parent/person.”

9. Focus on Connection Over Perfection.

If you’ve got children, a partner, family or friends - the best gift you can offer is presence, not performance. You might like to try some of the following:

• Putting your phone out of reach for 10 minutes and giving someone your full attention, even if it’s just while they show you a Lego creation or tell you a story you’ve already heard 12 times!

• Take a quick walk to look at the local Christmas lights.

• Play a game of charades, or another game that you enjoy.

Little moments of genuine connection go far deeper than any perfectly wrapped, perfectly planned version of Christmas.

10. Give Yourself Permission to Have a Different Kind of Christmas.

Some years are great. Some years we are in quiet survival mode. Both are allowed.
A “positive Christmas” might simply mean: you got through it with a little more gentleness, a little less pressure, and a couple of moments that felt like relief.

Wishing You The Best Christmas You Can Manage

You’re not broken because this season feels hard, you’re not ungrateful because you’re overwhelmed, and you don’t have to force happiness to create something meaningful. I am wishing you the best possible Christmas and I hope that these strategies make it feel a bit more manageable than it did before.

If you want support building simple mindfulness practices then you might like to try my Mindfulness Starter Kit. It's split into three achievable stages to make changes. My mantra is 'small changes, big differences' and I truly believe in that. I built myself up from rock bottom piece by piece, and those small changes I made did really build a foundation for how I cope with life now.